How Each Myers-Briggs Type Deals With Grief
How Each Myers-Briggs Type Deals With Grief
My grandfather passed about a week ago. I was very close with him, and so was my family. Watching how so many different personalities grieve a loved one has been quite a bitter experience. But it's inspired me to share with you all what I've learned. This information isn't only about grieving a death. Perhaps you're grieving an ex-boyfriend. Or leaving a home you've had for years. Or something as simple as changing jobs.
Becoming familiar with how your Type typically grieves brings you one step closer to overcoming your grief.
INFJ
An INFJ may appear to be coping very well on the outside, while on the inside they may feel so full of emotions that they find concentration almost impossible. They will find it very hard to open up to people about how they're feeling. They don't want to be pitied, and they don't want to be judged. If they are confident someone truly understands them, they may find it very beneficial to talk about how they're coping.
The INFJ may feel a lot of regret after a loss. Wondering what would have happened if they did things differently, wishing they'd had more time, etc.
To help an INFJ who is grieving give them space, but let them know you're always there for them. But don't press them too hard to talk about it.
ENFJ
An ENFJ will have a difficulty allowing themselves the time to deal with things the way they need to. They may try to put off thinking about what they've lost, surround themselves in activities and normal conversations to distract themselves. They will do there best to comfort others who were affected by the loss, and use that, too, as a coping mechanism.
An ENFJ should remember that it's ok for them to take some time to themselves to deal with their feelings.
If you want to help an ENFJ who is grieving give them plenty of hugs and let them know you're there for them. If you're close with them, try asking if they want to talk about it. Even if you are, they may not want to. They find it difficult, and maybe unnecessary to talk about themselves and their deep emotions.
INFP
INFPs love passionately, so they also grieve passionately. If they really loved someone or something, they will find it very hard to let it go. They tend to spend a lot of time in the Denial stage. They may daydream constantly about who they've lost, feel as if that person is still with them.
If they INFP is close to others who are experiencing the same loss, this may actually be beneficial to them. In such situations the INFP will rise to the challenge of being strong for others and comforting them. It may help to ease their own pain to know someone else understands exactly what they're going through.
If you want to help an INFP who is grieving, give them a listening ear, a hug, and plenty of distractions that involve doing something the INFP will find meaningful. Like helping someone else, or working an an involved project.
ENFP
ENFPs are strongly caring and loving individuals. If someone they love is suffering they will devote everything they have to nurturing them. They may feel a strong obligation or desire to help others and become very attached to the sick or dying.
When they lose someone, they will have an extremely difficult letting them go. Feelings of wanting to love and care for that person will remain. They are doers, and they will not know what to do with those lingering feelings of commitment and caring.
If you want to comfort an ENFP who is grieving, try to be with them often. They will not want to be alone. Don't tell them to get over it. Just listen. Nod your head and give them a hug.
ISTJ
ISTJs are extremely private people. They will find loss difficult to talk about. They may intentionally avoid mentioning their loss even if it's relevant, for fear of uncomfortable conversations. They may have a couple people they feel they can talk to about it, but they don't want to make a scene or act like it's a bigger deal than they deem appropriate.
ISTJs are emotionally tough, and they will normally deal with grief in a healthy, timely way and be able to keep up with their life.
To help an ISTJ who is grieving, to not press them or pry, they will talk to you if they need to. Perhaps arrange a fun outing with them to lift their spirits and give them a chance to talk if they want to.
ESTJ
ESTJs are typically emotionally strong people, but when faced with loss they may find reality extremely hard to cope with. They may ask you to meet with them specifically to talk it all through. They want to sort through their feelings out loud and try to make sense of it all.
The normally robotic ESTJ may turn uncharacteristically soft at times of sadness, tearing up often, and wanting more physical touch than normal.
To help an ESTJ who is grieving, be sure to let them know you're there to talk to, and how much you love them.
ISTP
An ISTP will try not to let their grief get the best of them. They're pretty strong, emotionally, but they feel loss keenly. They will want to deal with things in their own time and their own way, and normally dislike touchy-feely moments. They want to know you're there for them, but they might not be the best at expressing their emotions.
At times of sadness they may become angry or short with people, spend a lot of time alone, or an excessive amount of time at work or on their own projects. At times they may not be feelings their loss as keenly, and it's in those moments they're most likely to take advantage of other's offers of help. They may accept attentions and gifts more readily once they aren't feeling as vulnerable.
If you want to help an ISTP who is grieving, give them lots of space to come to you when they're ready.
ESTP
The normally cool and collected ESTP may become almost a different person at times of extreme sadness. They may lash out in anger, have outbursts of tears at inappropriate times, or withdraw from others.
The ESTP is very uncomfortable with any negative emotions, and they will look for ways to relieve their sadness, either by distraction, or replacing what they've lost. They dislike solemn gatherings and ceremonies and may attempt to lighten the mood at inappropriate times. The ESTP should try to remember that it's ok to be sad sometimes.
To help an ESTP who is grieving, be patient with their behavior, and try to offer comforting words which involve sensible reasons why they should be comforted.
ISFJ
ISFJs may find loss next to impossible to deal with on their own. They straight-forwardly ask for comforting words, hugs, reassurance, and for you to not leave them alone.
They grieve strongly, which actually assists them in getting through it faster than others. But in years to come they will recall what they've lost with sadness. Yet their memories will be bittersweet, and they will never wish they never knew who they losses. They will gladly take the pain for the sake of those good memories.
To help an ISFJ cope with grief, be patient with their neediness. Let them cry and hug you and do with with a loving heart. They don't want to be a burden, and you'll never know how much they'll always appreciate that you were there for them during that time.
ESFJ
ESFJs are criers. They will share their memories and their grief with nearly anyone who will listen. They may weep openly, and feel they cannot help it. They feel that all this is natural and would encourage others to do the same. They don't want to bottle their feelings, and if they do they will become very depressed.
They will appreciate anyone who shares in their grief, and will try to comfort all those who are suffering. They will want to be around people they love. They will find food to be a big comfort.
To help an ESFJ grieve, don't be afraid to smother them with love, gifts, and attention. They will love you for it, and it will help them cope. They will appreciate hugs, and a shoulder to cry on.
ISFP
An ISFP may become very confused and unsure of how to deal with a loss. They will be strongly affected by how others deal with grief, and may seem to mimic other's behavior.
They may have strong outbursts of anger or weeping, and may be inconsolably until they've gotten their cry out. They may avoid talking about it, but greatly crave attention and may do things in order that others notice their pain.
ISFPs may benefit from learning more about the grief process, and finding positive ways to express their grief.
To help an ISFP, offer suggestions of distracting activities, offer them a lot of attention and love, and be available to listen to their feelings.
ESFP
ESFPs hate negative change and loss, and react very badly to it. They may become very short with people. They may complain of many physical ailments, like headaches or nausea. They may lose interest in activities they normally enjoy, or become uncharacteristically quiet or withdrawn.
They will use food and entertainment as coping mechanisms, and find it very hard when these distractions are not available to them. They may find it even harder to be alone than usual, turning to dark or depressing thoughts.
To help an ESFP who has suffered a loss, try to get them involved in fun activities. They may not ask to talk about things on their own, but if you prod them they may open up and express their feelings. If they do, it will help them accept what's happened and begin to move on.
INTJ
An INTJ who has loses someone important to them will focus primarily on the duties that follow, like funeral arrangements, or taking care of those who are affected. They will not feel they can fully grieve their loss until they are given a lengthy amount of time alone. You may be surprised to see them crying a lot, something an INTJ would, on the rare occurrence it happens, normally hide.
They will do everything they can to resolve things, but once they've done all they can, they simply try to come to terms, mentally, with what has happened.
To help an INTJ who's lost something, respect their need to take care of practical issues before they fully take in what's happened. Give them space to grieve, but offer a kind word, a smile, or a hug to let them know you care
ENTJ
ENTJs will understand that loss is an unfortunate part of life. They will allow themselves to grieve, but not to the point of attracting pity. They want to maintain their dignity, but reckoning there is an acceptable amount of grief one can display.
ENTJs are very strong, but if they seclude themselves too much after a loss, they may become very depressed. After a while, they can usually rouse themselves. But ENTJs would do well to let go of their pride in the interest of dealing with loss in a healthy way.
To help an ENTJ deal with loss, validate their emotions and perhaps encourage them by remarking on how well they're dealing with things.
INTP
An INTP dealing with loss may feel like a ship without an anchor. They will be strongly affected by the loss of something or someone they love. They will be rather open about the sadness of what's happened, but avoid getting too personal or deep about it. They will most likely accept condolences with grace and thankfulness, but may not require much help from others to deal with what's happened.
INTPs will find ways to adapt to loss, and recover pretty quickly.
To help an INTP who is coping with a loss, offer comforting words, and maybe offer to take them out for a drink.
ENTP
ENTPs faced with loss turn from strong leaders, into crumbling pillars of sand. The feelings which ensue after the loss of something they truly loved will come as a shock to the ENTP, who usually feels on top of the world and in control.
They will have to see it to grieve it. If they don't, they may chose to ignore, or won't be able to accept, the loss until a later time when they're face to face with the absence of what they've lost.
To help an ENTP, ensure them of the reality, state it plainly and clearly. Express the sadness you feel, so they can understand their own feelings better an know what they're going through is normal.
My grandfather passed about a week ago. I was very close with him, and so was my family. Watching how so many different personalities grieve a loved one has been quite a bitter experience. But it's inspired me to share with you all what I've learned. This information isn't only about grieving a death. Perhaps you're grieving an ex-boyfriend. Or leaving a home you've had for years. Or something as simple as changing jobs.
Becoming familiar with how your Type typically grieves brings you one step closer to overcoming your grief.
INFJ
An INFJ may appear to be coping very well on the outside, while on the inside they may feel so full of emotions that they find concentration almost impossible. They will find it very hard to open up to people about how they're feeling. They don't want to be pitied, and they don't want to be judged. If they are confident someone truly understands them, they may find it very beneficial to talk about how they're coping.
The INFJ may feel a lot of regret after a loss. Wondering what would have happened if they did things differently, wishing they'd had more time, etc.
To help an INFJ who is grieving give them space, but let them know you're always there for them. But don't press them too hard to talk about it.
ENFJ
An ENFJ will have a difficulty allowing themselves the time to deal with things the way they need to. They may try to put off thinking about what they've lost, surround themselves in activities and normal conversations to distract themselves. They will do there best to comfort others who were affected by the loss, and use that, too, as a coping mechanism.
An ENFJ should remember that it's ok for them to take some time to themselves to deal with their feelings.
If you want to help an ENFJ who is grieving give them plenty of hugs and let them know you're there for them. If you're close with them, try asking if they want to talk about it. Even if you are, they may not want to. They find it difficult, and maybe unnecessary to talk about themselves and their deep emotions.
INFP
INFPs love passionately, so they also grieve passionately. If they really loved someone or something, they will find it very hard to let it go. They tend to spend a lot of time in the Denial stage. They may daydream constantly about who they've lost, feel as if that person is still with them.
If they INFP is close to others who are experiencing the same loss, this may actually be beneficial to them. In such situations the INFP will rise to the challenge of being strong for others and comforting them. It may help to ease their own pain to know someone else understands exactly what they're going through.
If you want to help an INFP who is grieving, give them a listening ear, a hug, and plenty of distractions that involve doing something the INFP will find meaningful. Like helping someone else, or working an an involved project.
ENFP
ENFPs are strongly caring and loving individuals. If someone they love is suffering they will devote everything they have to nurturing them. They may feel a strong obligation or desire to help others and become very attached to the sick or dying.
When they lose someone, they will have an extremely difficult letting them go. Feelings of wanting to love and care for that person will remain. They are doers, and they will not know what to do with those lingering feelings of commitment and caring.
If you want to comfort an ENFP who is grieving, try to be with them often. They will not want to be alone. Don't tell them to get over it. Just listen. Nod your head and give them a hug.
ISTJ
ISTJs are extremely private people. They will find loss difficult to talk about. They may intentionally avoid mentioning their loss even if it's relevant, for fear of uncomfortable conversations. They may have a couple people they feel they can talk to about it, but they don't want to make a scene or act like it's a bigger deal than they deem appropriate.
ISTJs are emotionally tough, and they will normally deal with grief in a healthy, timely way and be able to keep up with their life.
To help an ISTJ who is grieving, to not press them or pry, they will talk to you if they need to. Perhaps arrange a fun outing with them to lift their spirits and give them a chance to talk if they want to.
ESTJ
ESTJs are typically emotionally strong people, but when faced with loss they may find reality extremely hard to cope with. They may ask you to meet with them specifically to talk it all through. They want to sort through their feelings out loud and try to make sense of it all.
The normally robotic ESTJ may turn uncharacteristically soft at times of sadness, tearing up often, and wanting more physical touch than normal.
To help an ESTJ who is grieving, be sure to let them know you're there to talk to, and how much you love them.
ISTP
An ISTP will try not to let their grief get the best of them. They're pretty strong, emotionally, but they feel loss keenly. They will want to deal with things in their own time and their own way, and normally dislike touchy-feely moments. They want to know you're there for them, but they might not be the best at expressing their emotions.
At times of sadness they may become angry or short with people, spend a lot of time alone, or an excessive amount of time at work or on their own projects. At times they may not be feelings their loss as keenly, and it's in those moments they're most likely to take advantage of other's offers of help. They may accept attentions and gifts more readily once they aren't feeling as vulnerable.
If you want to help an ISTP who is grieving, give them lots of space to come to you when they're ready.
ESTP
The normally cool and collected ESTP may become almost a different person at times of extreme sadness. They may lash out in anger, have outbursts of tears at inappropriate times, or withdraw from others.
The ESTP is very uncomfortable with any negative emotions, and they will look for ways to relieve their sadness, either by distraction, or replacing what they've lost. They dislike solemn gatherings and ceremonies and may attempt to lighten the mood at inappropriate times. The ESTP should try to remember that it's ok to be sad sometimes.
To help an ESTP who is grieving, be patient with their behavior, and try to offer comforting words which involve sensible reasons why they should be comforted.
ISFJ
ISFJs may find loss next to impossible to deal with on their own. They straight-forwardly ask for comforting words, hugs, reassurance, and for you to not leave them alone.
They grieve strongly, which actually assists them in getting through it faster than others. But in years to come they will recall what they've lost with sadness. Yet their memories will be bittersweet, and they will never wish they never knew who they losses. They will gladly take the pain for the sake of those good memories.
To help an ISFJ cope with grief, be patient with their neediness. Let them cry and hug you and do with with a loving heart. They don't want to be a burden, and you'll never know how much they'll always appreciate that you were there for them during that time.
ESFJ
ESFJs are criers. They will share their memories and their grief with nearly anyone who will listen. They may weep openly, and feel they cannot help it. They feel that all this is natural and would encourage others to do the same. They don't want to bottle their feelings, and if they do they will become very depressed.
They will appreciate anyone who shares in their grief, and will try to comfort all those who are suffering. They will want to be around people they love. They will find food to be a big comfort.
To help an ESFJ grieve, don't be afraid to smother them with love, gifts, and attention. They will love you for it, and it will help them cope. They will appreciate hugs, and a shoulder to cry on.
ISFP
An ISFP may become very confused and unsure of how to deal with a loss. They will be strongly affected by how others deal with grief, and may seem to mimic other's behavior.
They may have strong outbursts of anger or weeping, and may be inconsolably until they've gotten their cry out. They may avoid talking about it, but greatly crave attention and may do things in order that others notice their pain.
ISFPs may benefit from learning more about the grief process, and finding positive ways to express their grief.
To help an ISFP, offer suggestions of distracting activities, offer them a lot of attention and love, and be available to listen to their feelings.
ESFP
ESFPs hate negative change and loss, and react very badly to it. They may become very short with people. They may complain of many physical ailments, like headaches or nausea. They may lose interest in activities they normally enjoy, or become uncharacteristically quiet or withdrawn.
They will use food and entertainment as coping mechanisms, and find it very hard when these distractions are not available to them. They may find it even harder to be alone than usual, turning to dark or depressing thoughts.
To help an ESFP who has suffered a loss, try to get them involved in fun activities. They may not ask to talk about things on their own, but if you prod them they may open up and express their feelings. If they do, it will help them accept what's happened and begin to move on.
INTJ
An INTJ who has loses someone important to them will focus primarily on the duties that follow, like funeral arrangements, or taking care of those who are affected. They will not feel they can fully grieve their loss until they are given a lengthy amount of time alone. You may be surprised to see them crying a lot, something an INTJ would, on the rare occurrence it happens, normally hide.
They will do everything they can to resolve things, but once they've done all they can, they simply try to come to terms, mentally, with what has happened.
To help an INTJ who's lost something, respect their need to take care of practical issues before they fully take in what's happened. Give them space to grieve, but offer a kind word, a smile, or a hug to let them know you care
ENTJ
ENTJs will understand that loss is an unfortunate part of life. They will allow themselves to grieve, but not to the point of attracting pity. They want to maintain their dignity, but reckoning there is an acceptable amount of grief one can display.
ENTJs are very strong, but if they seclude themselves too much after a loss, they may become very depressed. After a while, they can usually rouse themselves. But ENTJs would do well to let go of their pride in the interest of dealing with loss in a healthy way.
To help an ENTJ deal with loss, validate their emotions and perhaps encourage them by remarking on how well they're dealing with things.
INTP
An INTP dealing with loss may feel like a ship without an anchor. They will be strongly affected by the loss of something or someone they love. They will be rather open about the sadness of what's happened, but avoid getting too personal or deep about it. They will most likely accept condolences with grace and thankfulness, but may not require much help from others to deal with what's happened.
INTPs will find ways to adapt to loss, and recover pretty quickly.
To help an INTP who is coping with a loss, offer comforting words, and maybe offer to take them out for a drink.
ENTP
ENTPs faced with loss turn from strong leaders, into crumbling pillars of sand. The feelings which ensue after the loss of something they truly loved will come as a shock to the ENTP, who usually feels on top of the world and in control.
They will have to see it to grieve it. If they don't, they may chose to ignore, or won't be able to accept, the loss until a later time when they're face to face with the absence of what they've lost.
To help an ENTP, ensure them of the reality, state it plainly and clearly. Express the sadness you feel, so they can understand their own feelings better an know what they're going through is normal.
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