INFJ: A Type Misunderstood

 An in depth study of the INFJ.

                                     


It is widely thought that the INFJ is the rarest MBTI type. And that even those who call themselves INFJs have mistyped themselves. But is this true? Or is there an explanation?

 We all know that the internet is not always a reliable source of information. And psychology is no exception. Pinterest, blogs, and forums are polluted with faulty info which has confused me many times. It took me a while to "type" my own husband, because he didn't seem to fit any category. Of course, part of this is because each person is different, even if they have a preference toward a certain flow of thought. But I had already allowed for this. There had to be more to it.

 My intuition told me my husband was an INFJ. But nothing I read on the internet seemed to really fit with him.  According to websites and Pinterest, the INFJ is a mystical, rare being who is hardly ever understood. So I dug a little deeper. I read the actual writings of Jung to understand the theory of the sixteen types even better. While portraits of the types can be helpful and bear a lot of truth to them, if we take a step back and try not to match a person to a group, or the few paragraphs that create a word portrait, but match them to a particular order to how that person generally thinks and makes decisions, we come a lot closer to typing that person accurately.

 I have had close relationships with several INFJs. My grandfather, brother-in-law, two close friends, and my husband. But none of them would I describe as very hard to understand, nor would I describe them as mystical. Having studied what makes one an INFJ, having had close relationships with several, and having studied the Sixteen Types and Jung in depth for years, I now feel confident in sharing my picture of what it is to be an INFJ. Let those who have mistyped themselves and others as INFJs, prepare themselves for reality.

                           

     

What makes one an INFJ?

If you've studied the Sixteen Types before, you are familiar with the concept. The four letters indicate an order of a prefered method of thought. For INFJ the order of traits (Each followed by its abbreviation) is as follows:

Dominant: Intuition, introverted (Ni)

Auxiliary: Feeling, Extraverted (Fe)

Tertiary: Thinking,  Introverted (Ti)

Inferior: Sensing, Extraverted (Se)

 To simplify this, I will offer a brief explanation, followed by an example. The example situation is this: The INFJ is presented with this problem: Just getting out of class with two friends he carpooled with, the INFJ (names Henry) suggests getting dinner. One friend (Brett), suggests simply stopping at whatever fast food they see on the way. The other friend (Sally) suggests driving to her favorite pizzeria to pick something up. INFJ's thought process in general looks like this:

Primarily: Takes in information about theories, concepts, and patterns and organizes the information neatly within their own mind. Henry, the INFJ, simply listens to his friends' suggestions. 

Secondarily: Considers how they feel about new information, how they would feel about each possible decision, and looks at it from the perspective of their own values. Henry would prefer to get home quicker to get started on homework. He doesn't really feel like having pizza anyway. Brett seems neutral when Sally suggests the pizza, but Sally looks very hopeful. 
Thirdly: Considers what would be most rational: Using his tertiary Ti, Henry recalls each route home from school as he has mapped it out in his mind, and knows the pizza is about twenty minutes out of their way.  He considers the extra gas and the loss of study time.
Fourthly: Uses Inferior Se to take in his friend's tones of voice and facial expressions: Without really registering that he is doing so, Henry will somewhat take in the behavior his friends which is how he knows that Sally feels more strongly about the options than Brett does. Since sensing is so low down the list of what is valuable to the INFJ, Henry does not notice the coffee stain on Sally's collar. 
  In this example, Henry took in all the information and had all these thoughts within seconds as he considers his decision. His decision depends greatly on just how strongly he feels, and how strongly he believes that others feel. When he's not sure how others feel, the INFJ is likely to ask. If he feels others care more than he does when the situation is mild like this one, he will usually sacrifice his preference and practicality if he believes it matters more to someone else. Henry did believe Sally cared, so he says yes to her suggestion, on the condition that it's ok with Brett.

 Would every INFJ make the same decision? Certainly not. Each personality type varies from one person to another. Depending on how one was raised, the efforts one has made toward self-development, and even little variables such as if they are in a good mood, each person of the same personality type make a different decision in the same situation. But in general, this is the rundown of an INFJ's typical decision making process. And a person's typical thought/decision making process is exactly what the Personality Types express.

How can I recognize an INFJ?
As I've said, behavior may vary from person to person. You could even say that within each Personality Type, there are various "Personalities". However, there are certain things that may cue you in when you meet an INFJ. I'm going to write in a definitive voice, so please keep in mind the flexibility of my words.

 First impression: INFJs, at first glance, are quiet, guarded, polite, and intelligent. You may notice how the INFJ seems not to know what to do with their own body. They may stand awkwardly, fidget with their hands, shuffle their feet, step back and forward lightly, etc. This is often a sign of nervousness in an INFJ. The INFJ will offer you lots of smiles, politely shake your hand, and may ask you a question or two about yourself. It may be some time before the INFJ offers information to you about himself/herself without being asked directly. The INFJ will be much more interested in learning about you.

 In conversation: INFJs are introverted, but they are very social. In a circle of conversation they will say the least. But what they do choose to say with one sentence can have a bigger impact than what another person says with many more words. INFJs consider their words carefully, but are not shy of expressing their opinion when they think it is appropriate. When the conversation involves something that the INFJ is especially passionate about, you may even hear them raise their voice. INFJs are extremely generous in conversation. They will make even the most simpleminded man feel his words are valuable. The INFJ will quickly understand what a person is trying to say and be able to make the point even better than that person could have. INFJs do not always agree with what is being said, but they may seem as though they do. These generous conversational talents make INFJs excellent at debating.

 In the spotlight: The INFJ may "act" as if they dislike being the center of attention. They may brush off attempts others make at putting them in the lime light, insisting that there are better qualified people to speak. But once in the spotlight, the INFJ will prove themselves to be quick on their feet, and quicker with their wit. They have clever sense of humor, and are gifted with words. While their hearts might beat a bit faster, the INFJ will appear to be cool and collected when all eyes are on them. They do better when they've had time to rehearse, and may stumble a little when asked to speak off guard. Thought usually, the only person who will notice the INFJ's mistake, is the INFJ.

 In close relationships: Whether it be a spouse, a brother, or a friend, INFJs are almost different people around those they are very close with. They transform from introverted, guarded, quiet people, into outgoing, enthusiastic, and at times wild individuals. INFJs are very dedicated to their personal relationships. They are warmly encouraging to those they love. They notice when people are down, and help people get their feelings out in the open. Alternatively, if the INFJ finds it is inappropriate to pry, he/she will try to cheer someone up more discretely by doing little things to distract or make that person smile. The INFJ will see the good in those they care for, and help those people see it too. They build up their family and friend's reputations, and try not to say something negative about them. The INFJ is a funny, warm, and true friend. Those who take the time to become close with the INFJ will be blessed with a rewarding friendship.

 Once bitten: Even if at one time you were best friends, spurning INFJs is not easily forgotten by them. They love strongly, and they dislike strongly as well. The INFJ may try to conceal their dislike, but their close friends and family will know. INFJs are very protective of their family and friends, and if someone hurts them, that someone will not be welcomed back into the INFJ's good graces anytime soon. The INFJ will cease smiling at those they dislike when they see or speak to them, which is a clear sign to those who know the INFJ well. The INFJ has clear principles and moral values, and if someone offends these principles, the INFJ is not always sympathetic.

 In the school: An INFJ, if they are interested in school, will be a highly dedicated student. Likely to sharpen all their pencils the night before and wake early enough to get a head start on homework which hasn't even been assigned yet. Especially in college, when the INFJ is allowed to choose their course and elective, they will likely be pursuing a calling that is meaningful or rewarding to them, and so they will have fun attending the classes which they deem useful to their goal. They will want to dress nicely for classes, and will enjoy catching up with classmates they know and introducing themselves to those they don't.
 In the workplace: INFJs are likely to pursue a calling that is especially rewarding/meaningful to them. They push themselves hard, they are ambitious and perfectionists. They will quickly work themselves to the top. They are likely to receive promotions quickly because of their determination and quality of work. No matter what level of success, INFJs will feel they have failed in some way. They will see what they could have done better, how they could have worked harder. They will rarely let themselves feel contented by the effort they made. Likely to be tempted work overtime and weekends to get ahead, INFJs who tether themselves to family and home-life and set time apart to relax, will find more balance and peace in their lives.

Intuitively: The stereotype INFJ seems to be a mystical unicorn with a sixth sense. Part of this is because the INFJ enjoys the mystery that others see surrounding them, and are not likely to reveal their tricks. Part of it is that INFJs do not always understand their own minds. The key to the mystery is the INFJ's strong intuition. Intuition is the ability to understand something quickly, to simply know something, without need for conscious thought. Intuition is achieved by a mind that subconsciously sees patterns and understands them to the point that that mind can predict what comes next. It sounds supernatural, but the truth is, we all do it. Here's an example: When a child falls, you know the next thing you'll hear is weeping. You haven't been consciously preparing yourself to expect a certain reaction, you just know because you've see it happen before. And you also know, from experience, the next sound you'll hear are the soothing words from the child's mother. Intuition makes our lives easier, it tells us what to do, what to expect, and when to expect it, without overloading our brains with conscious thoughts. INFJs are simply in tune with their intuition, rely on it heavily, and use it to their advantage. Though there is nothing supernatural or mystical about this gift, it is a gift nonetheless, and it serves the INFJ well. And although they are not unicorns, INFJs are not your run-of-the-mill personality. They are unique, intuitive, talented people.
                         

 Overall, the INFJs are extremely thoughtful, caring, passionate, intelligent, intuitive individuals who brighten the lives of their family and friends, impress teachers and bosses, and make people laugh.   INFJ individuals are not hard to understand, if you can let go of the misconceptions of the Type itself.